3 proven ways to elevate your skills as an executive coach

As coaches, we’re always looking for ways to hone our skills and improve the delivery of our coaching services. Here are three proven ways to support your growth as an executive and leadership coach.

#1: Ask shorter questions.

In a coaching session you want your client to talk more than you do. A good ratio to start with is 2-1 in that your client is talking twice as much as you are. One way to achieve this ratio is to ask shorter questions.

Here are some short, simple questions you can use right away.

“Tell me more.” This is a great way to get your client to talk more about the topic they’re on at that moment. Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking we need to ask another question rather than simply digging deeper into the existing answer. “Tell me more” does exactly that. Another, even shorter question is…

“And?” You ask a lead question and then you look at the client expectantly. All they can do is expand on their answer and tell you more. Here’s another question:

“Why do you think that’s so?” Again, we’re digging into what their response was and looking for more explanation about their thoughts. Two more:

What’s your next move? Where do you go from here? These are action-oriented, short questions to get them thinking about forward movement. Some final examples:

What are you feeling right now? Can you tell me about that? We sometimes want to delve into the client’s feelings because we sense there’s something emotionally going on inside of them as they’re sharing their answer with us. We want to explore this to better understand the client’s situation and state.

So challenge yourself to ask shorter questions to get the client to talk more. You should find it easier to achieve the two-thirds to one-third ratio and learn more about what clients have on their minds. The next idea…

#2: Use silence when appropriate.

This is a challenge for many coaches because we’re used to filling in the silence in conversations. Purposefully bringing silence into a conversation often feels very uncomfortable, but in our coaching context, this can be good news. You want clients to be a little uncomfortable in a coaching session so they’ll share more.

And what do we mean by silence? When you ask one of those questions that we just talked about in idea #1, pair that question with silence and sit there and look at them expectantly. Don’t say a word. 5 seconds can go by. 10 seconds can go by. It’s totally okay for that to happen. (Most people will become uncomfortable after just a few seconds. So, it’s unlikely that 5 seconds will ever go by.)

It doesn’t matter whether you’re meeting face to face, having a video coaching session, or even talking on the phone (which might be the most uncomfortable medium for silence). When you try this, you’ll see how the client will fill the space. And even better, what they say next might be exactly what they need to say to you, their coach.

So, use the powerful tool of silence in your next coaching session and see how well it works.. Continue to challenge yourself to bring more silence into your coaching situations and start to gain the sense for when it’s right to deploy silence. You’re not going to use it after every single question, but it’s good to use it effectively at just the right times.

Idea #3: Be fully present.

You want to be 100% present for your client in your coaching sessions, which allows you to know the next question to ask and know when the right time is to be silent. When they’re thinking something you want to explore, your presence gives them the feeling of being completely heard. They can sense your interest and curiosity when you’re fully present. So how do we go about achieving that? Here are a few ideas:

Avoid back-to-back coaching sessions. It’s smart to have a break in- between coaching sessions. This allows you to go through your routine to become fully centered and ready for the next client.

Your routine might include getting up from your chair, changing your environment, walking around a little bit, thinking about the upcoming client, or sitting quietly, closing your eyes, and going through a short, deep breathing exercise. Meditate for a minute to center yourself and become more mindful, to prepare yourself for the coaching to come. Think about the client and know what you want to achieve by being fully centered and available for that client.

By creating your own routine for becoming 100% present, and practicing it again and again, you’ll become better prepared for all your coaching sessions.

Catch yourself when your mind drifts. You’re going to sense at times your mind is starting to drift. It’s very natural for the mind to drop in and out of conversation. It happens to us all.

Don’t kick yourself when it happens. Instead, catch it and draw yourself back into the coaching session, to be fully present once again. Make eye contact. Lean in. Try not to think so much about the next question you’re going to ask, but instead listen deeply to what the client’s saying. That’s being fully present.

The next question will generally reveal itself when you fully concentrate on being present with the client.

Journal your thoughts about the coaching session after the client leaves. Write down what happened and reflect on your ability to stay fully present with the client. The more you establish a routine before and after the session, the better you’ll get at being fully present. Inevitably you’ll see your coaching effectiveness go up to the next level.

Did you enjoy this article? Read about 10 trends that are redefining leadership coaching.

I hope this post helps you in your coaching journey. If you’d like to go further with me, consider joining the Center for Executive Coaching. We have 3 levels of enrollment and payment plans to suit your pace and budget. Learn more here.

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