In the first post in the series, we introduced the idea that coaches play multiple roles inside of a coaching engagement. Great coaches find a way to be the person a client needs in the moment to unlock the next phase of positive growth or simply to enable deep thinking, quiet reflection or a drive to act.
We covered another set of roles in the second post in the series. Now we’ll explore the final four roles a coach might play to best support their clients.
Appreciator
Committed clients work hard to achieve their ambitious goals. Along the way there are signs of progress. When a coach recognizes and appreciates the effort and the accompanying result, the client gets fueled to keep the positive momentum going.
There are multiple scenarios where the appreciator plays a vital role in a coaching engagement.
When working with a type A client who has a hard time stopping to savor success, the appreciator can help them stop and see how far they’ve come from where they started. Coaching is all about change. Part of that change just might be appreciation. First the client learns to appreciate their work, then they learn to extend that appreciation to the work of others.
There are many leaders who are of the mind that appreciation along the way is not necessary. Furthermore, they may feel it lessens the strength of the appreciation if it’s given too frequently. By helping this leader learn the value of stopping to appreciate progress along the way to big achievement, you can help shift their thinking on this gesture.
Another scenario where this role comes into play is when a client is too hard on themselves. They have a habit of being overly self-critical. By being the appreciator and recognizing what’s working based on genuine effort, you may help this client lift their self-esteem and see the glass as half full more often. This can have an upward spiral effect that will have impact well beyond the coaching engagement.
Keep in mind that appreciation may be extended in different ways. Of course, doing so in the moment with a client is wonderful and meaningful. However, don’t forget the power of the written word on a card mailed to the client. You may be surprised how delighted your client will be after reading your card acknowledging their progress.
The only thing to be careful about when considering the role of the appreciator is to understand that ultimately, the appreciation of one’s efforts should come from within. You do not want to train the client to be dependent on you for recognition. Coaches are always working towards being unnecessary and this is right in line with that. Your appreciation will one day be unneeded and that will be just fine.
Space Holder
A common pronouncement of what coaching does is to take a client from Point A to Point B. And that’s great. It is of true value to someone to be guided towards the realization of a worthy goal. But what lies in between Points A and B?
The space.
This is the space that has bedeviled the client. Where they go astray, drift and procrastinate. Where they lose enthusiasm and motivation. It all happens in the space between points A and B.
As the coach, you stand in that space and hold fast to it as the vital area where the battle for victory happens. You stand there and beckon the client to keep going, take another important step, and don’t lose sight of the goal.
People who have not worked with a coach sometimes wonder what value the coach actually brings to the engagement. They see themselves as fully capable of self-coaching so to speak.
Yet, there are a few things to consider here.
- Even high achievers can go further when pushed to dream bigger.
- When the goal gets bigger, the gap grows wider.
- Discipline and accountability are in short supply in a busy life filled with personal encounters that are brief and shallow.
Few are able to navigate the space alone and make the line between Points A and B as straight as possible. Masterful coaches help the client to see the way more clearly than they might alone. Clarity creates speed. There is significant value in speed and clarity.
Help your clients by standing in the space and drawing them forward with more enthusiasm and energy than they can muster alone, and you will have a line of clients ready to work with you.
Another way coaches hold the space for clients is within a single coaching session. Coaches create the space for clients to think, reflect, and open up to new perceptions that impact their lives greatly.
While every leader agrees that time to think and reconsider perceptions that may be limiting is valuable, they often find it difficult to find that time. Coaches make the time and hold the space for clients to do the deep thinking and then make commitments to action that enable lasting change.
This is a critical role to play well as a coach. Understand it well.
Reflector
This role is one you will play again and again in coaching sessions. And that is because the reflector is such a powerful role. You likely already know the definition of this role, which is to reflect back to the client what you heard them say.
At first, this might not seem like coaching since it has nothing to do with a question generated by the coach. But it is coaching. Sometimes what can most powerfully move a client to a new perception is to hear themselves echoed by the coach.
For example, a leader who has had it with a report who keeps missing important deadlines may say to the coach, “After months of trying, I don’t know what else to do with Walter. I guess I am going to have to let him go.”
The coach lets a moment go by, then says, “You are going to have to let Walter go?”
Saying this back to the client forces them to confront their ‘either or’ perspective on Walter’s issue. As coaches we know there are always other options. But rather than confront the client’s way of thinking as being limiting, we reflect back what they have said and let them come to the conclusion.
What the client is likely to say after having their statement reflected back is something like, “I really do not want to, but I do not know what else to do.”
And there is the opening. See how they came to it on their own?
You would now explore that sense of having no options and ultimately uncover some new ones the client has not tried.
Reflection also works well when you use it to take a step towards expansion of a thought. The clients says they are feeling great today. You say, “Ah, you’re feeling great. Excellent. Tell me more. What has got you feeling so good today?”
Another way of using reflection is when establishing a clear outcome for the coaching session. At this time, it is very important to have total clarity about what you and the client hope to achieve in the coaching session. Therefore, you will almost always reflect back what you have heard as the desired outcome.
What will happen sometimes when the client hears the outcome reflected back is that they will realize they do not actually want that. That is a great realization as it can lead to the establishment of a more desired outcome.
There is a wonderful book you can get by Marcia Reynolds to explore the power of reflection in coaching called, Coach the Person, Not the Problem: A Guide to Using Reflective Inquiry. You can start by watching a video from Marcia here.
One warning about this role, it can be overdone. When you constantly reflect back what the client is saying, you may irritate them. Another possibility is that you simply slow down progress by spending too much time reflecting statements versus moving the conversation forward.
The more you use reflection in your coaching, the more your intuition will sharpen and guide you as to when to use it to powerful effect.
Role Player
It would be fair to think it is now time for the summary section since you’ve already played nine different roles as the coaching necessitates, but you are not done yet. There is actually one more role to play and that is the role player.
Oftentimes your client is going to be weighed down coming into a coaching session because they are anxious about a difficult conversation they need to have. It is likely to be a high stakes conversation that needs to go well.
This is where you can add tremendous value as the coach. Sure, you will ask questions about what they are hoping to achieve in the conversation (a clear outcome), how will they open, how might the other person respond, and what might your client say in response to that. It is important to help your client plan ahead for an important influence conversation.
There is no doubt the talk will go better by engaging in this advance planning.
However, your greatest value in this situation is yet to come. After your client has some sense of how they want to approach the conversation, you might offer to role play with them to see how their approach sounds when said aloud.
It is common for a person to want to change their opening after they hear themselves say it out loud. It is also common for them to even reconsider if they are targeting the most appropriate outcome for this conversation. This is a great awakening that usually only comes from role play.
People will often talk to trusted colleagues or even a spouse about a crucial conversation they have coming up. But what they do not usually do is role play. Why? It feels awkward and unnecessary.
It may be awkward with others and yet feels natural with a coach. Seek to play this role with your clients as often as necessary to bring them the clarity they will not get anywhere else. Over time you may even see the client asking you to role play a conversation with them!
We will now conclude this series of articles on the roles coaches play. We hope it has been valuable to you as you navigate the uncertainty of coaching and how you can bring your best self to each session. Move deftly among these roles with grace and you will find your clients asking for more coaching and referring you to others, too.
In case you missed it, read part 1 and part 2 of this sequence!
To learn more about our executive coach training and certification programs, visit our enrollment options page and consider taking the leap with us to get trained to be an executive coach in the months ahead.
Here are more articles and videos related to this article:
Articles
- Coach the Person, Not the Problem
- Thoughts on Coaching the Person and Not the Problem
- The One Question You Should Ask in Every Coaching Session
- Why we don’t stack questions in coaching conversations
Videos
- How is Your Coaching Presence During an Executive Coaching Session?
- How to Deal With Strong Emotions in an Executive Coaching Session
- Unlocking the Power of Silence in Executive Coaching Sessions
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