Coaching the Uncoachable

New coaches will often proclaim they only want to coach people who are “coachable”. What does coachable mean exactly?

Here are words I’ve heard used to describe coachability:

Open-minded
Reflective
Growth-oriented
Positive
Open to feedback
Focused
Ready to change
Vulnerable
Trusting

This sounds like a good list, right? What coach wouldn’t want to work with someone with these characteristics when they come to coaching. But there’s a little problem here. Many clients don’t possess these traits when they come to a coaching engagement or session.

Here are words I’d use to describe some clients I’ve had in the past:

Angry
Distrusting
Unsure
Frustrated
Doubtful
Skeptical
Resistant

Do you think I just threw my hands up when faced with someone like this and labeled them as uncoachable? Not exactly. Instead, I will make an extra effort to explain what coaching is and how it might be useful to them. Sometimes I need to bring down my expectations for what we can achieve together since we’re starting from a negative position.

I recall hearing years ago of a highly recognized coach talking about an engagement she had with a client who was being held back from promotion because of some patterns of behavior that were not conducive to leading at a higher level in the organization. They were told they had to work with the coach the company had chosen and would need to show progress in the focus areas to get promoted.

How do you think the client showed up for the first coaching session? The coach used most of the words on my list above to describe the client and their attitude. But you know what? She said she faced it head on and told him that she knew he was not happy and didn’t want to work with her, but this was the reality of the situation so they should make the most of it to get him that promotion.

By bringing the reality into the light, the client was able to see what they were doing and consider that the coach is actually on their side. Perhaps something good could come of this.

Now I’m not here to paint an overly rosy picture and tell you that every seemingly uncoachable client can be turned around and successfully worked with. I had one client in particular who denied feedback, resisted coaching at every turn, never presented true vulnerability, broke commitments to actions, and eventually fired me. So, you’re not going to reach them all. However, I’ve had other clients who did come around because I remained positive and undaunted by their position.

I hope this article has stimulated you to think a little differently about what it means to be uncoachable and whether you can work with someone you might describe that way. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Just contact us here.

Want to learn more about coaching the person and not the problem? Read our article on “Thoughts on Coaching the Person and Not the Problem.”

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