Is Coaching Just Asking Questions?

In a recent class I was asked how I would respond to someone who thinks that coaching is just asking a lot of questions. Isn’t it interesting that to this day there are still those out there who think this is what we do in coaching sessions – ask, ask, and ask some more.

Thankfully for us there’s much more to coaching that supports its effectiveness as a leadership development modality. I’ll share my thoughts below of other ways we support our clients.

Silence – the greatly underrated element of coaching. Sometimes, it’s the space between questions and answers that is as powerful as anything else if not more. I observe hundreds of practice coaching sessions each year and I can assure you there could be a much greater presence of silence.

When should you bring silence into a session? Start with one simple to remember step. After any powerful insight that a client has you should give space. Let their insight sink in. Even wait long enough that they might talk first.

Observation– it’s not the question, but the noticing that’s meaningful. When we coach, we see things our clients do. We also notice certain types of behavior that might get in the way of effective leadership. For example, we might observe that our client says many more words than are necessary to answer a question. We can share that observation in real time to help them increase their self-awareness. This may then help them be more succinct in the future.

Observation can do a lot for a coachee who’s open to the observations the coach shares.It’s rare to have someone who observes you and shares what they see.

Empathy, Support and Encouragement – aren’t there times when this is what a coachee really needs? Are there times when they don’t? I have observed coaches have a difficult time providing empathy to their coachee or sharing in transparency that they have gone through similar circumstances.

Reflect on your own coaching style. Could you offer more verbal empathy, support and encouragement to your coachees? Do these parts of your presence come naturally or do you need to work at doing them? Either way, when brought in at the right time in a session, they can help the coachee quite a bit.

Role Play – not something a coach does often, but when they do, it’s such a terrific exercise. It’s funny how helpful role play can be and yet most people never do it. We find it awkward to ask someone to do this with us and think it’s going to be unnatural.

And yet, when we do this with our clients, we often hear back how helpful it was to say out loud what has stayed in the mind in draft mode. Now it’s unlikely that your client will ask you to do role play so be willing to offer it up when it seems right.

Sounding Board – this isn’t exactly role play as much as providing our perspective on things the client brings up. For example, they’re thinking of making some significant changes in their team’s structure and they want to bounce their thoughts off of you and get your perspective. Now this might not sound like coaching, but our coachees will ask us to do this with them and they appreciate it.

When I explain what coaching is to prospective clients, I let them know that I can also be a sounding board for them when they’re considering important actions. This always resonates with them because they know it’s valuable to be able to speak to someone who’s neutral and objective.

Reflection – sometimes we don’t ask a question as much as reflect back something powerful we’ve heard the client say. I recall one session when my client said that if they were in a meeting with the CEO, they would want to punch them in the face.

I reflected what I heard back to the client and observed that you just said you want to commit an act of violence against the CEO. They realized they had gone too far in saying that and wanted to talk more about the anger they were feeling and how to navigate this.

Another time I reflected back to this same client that it seemed they were catastrophizing.I mentioned it because it’s something they know they tend to do and want to reduce. They appreciated the reflection and agreed that they probably were.

As you can see, there is so much more to coaching than just asking questions. I hope this article helps you to better explain what else you’ll bring to the coaching space to support your client’s growth. If you do, I suspect you’ll receive the response that I usually get which is to marvel at how rich coaching conversations can be.

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