For a few months I’d been asked by a newer coach to share my favorite coaching questions. This was not an easy question to answer! I’ve been coaching a long time and I can’t say I have this short list of questions that I go to again and again for maximum impact. However, I do have some that I like quite a lot and shared them in a recent video.
You might like to see them written down though so you don’t have to take notes as you watch the video. So, here’s the list along with a little explanation of why I like the question.
What’s in your control?
I bet you know why I like this question. We want to get our client to stop talking about other people they can’t control and come back to a focus on themselves. This is something we learn early on as coaches that there is only one person we can have a clear impact on with our coaching and that’s the person sitting across from us. Keep it about them. Don’t let them hook you into their stories about their micromanaging boss or annoying peer. Ask this powerful 4-word question and pause.
What would you like to see happen?
If you’ve been following my newsletter for a bit, then you know I went to ICF Converge last autumn. While there I saw Haesun Moon present and was really taken by her stories and content. Well, one of the areas she focuses on in her coaching sessions is the ‘preferred future’. This is what the client wants to see happen in the future. Instead of dreading what’s coming or focusing on their present state of dissatisfaction, turn their attention to what they want. It’s a great question and one I like to ask for many reasons.
What’s your commitment?
Last year one of my clients was asked to share their experience of my coaching. What they said was that they liked how I brought a likeable style with gentle but persistent nudging to move forward and do something. I’m paraphrasing here based on my recollection. This 3-word question captures what we want our client to understand about coaching. It’s not just a feel-good conversation. It’s about change and commitment to change. Anytime my client talks about taking a key action and doesn’t commit, this question enters the space.
How does this show up in other parts of your life?
I’ve not asked this question a lot, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be one of my favorite ones. It comes from Marion Franklin who wrote the excellent book, The Heart of Laser-focused Coaching. What I like about this question is how it takes you deeper into what’s going on with your client by exploring if this behavior is a pattern that shows up elsewhere or just here. Notice that it’s asked as an open-ended question. By asking how, we challenge our client to think. Is this a pattern of behavior? Is it getting in the way of success elsewhere? By recognizing that it’s a pattern of behavior, the client may become more resolute in wanting to do something about it.
And what difference would that make?
This question helps you to understand the client more deeply. You might feel you’ve read this statement many times by now. We want to know our clients more deeply. Great questions will do exactly that. To me, it’s like the question in the TOMS model where we ask about the meaning behind the topic. Don’t assume you know why the objective is important to the client, find out. The same goes with asking why a client wants to do something. This question gets even more powerful when you ask it a few times in a row. By doing so you may get to the deepest level of motivation, which is where the real energy draws from. Try this one for sure.
Where would you like to go from here?
One thing that distinguishes coaching from other types of conversations is the fact that it’s client-centered. We let the client lead over and over throughout the session. I’ve often seen coaches struggle to come up with the next best question. They’re racking their brain to come up with it while losing sight of the fact that the struggle is not effective. Pause, look at your client and ask them where they want to go in the conversation. If they don’t know, pause some more. They’ll figure it out. Now it can be helpful to ask this question after checking in with your client on their movement towards the objective. It’s an ideal pairing. As you reflect on your coaching sessions, always ask yourself, was it client-centered?
What just happened there?
Apart from being client-centered, we also want to be highly observant and in the present moment with our client. When clients shift in a session, experienced coaches will often notice and share their observation of the shift. What a masterful coach will do is to instead simply ask what just happened. Asking this question implies you noticed something change, but don’t want to label it or take up the space observing it. Instead, you want them to tell you in their own words immediately after they experienced a shift to explain it to you. I’m going to say it again! This helps you go deeper with your client.
These are some of my favorite questions. I hope you’ve learned a new one here that you want to try. While coaching isn’t only about the questions we ask, they are vital to moving the conversation forward. May you continually seek to improve the quality of your questions.
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